I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
