when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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