id be glad to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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