this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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