Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
