Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
