i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize