girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
