I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
