He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
