I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
