...so i touched it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
