Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
