my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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