I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
