drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
