Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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