I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
