Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
