Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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