If i come over, it means nothing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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