For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
