grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
