dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
