ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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