pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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