Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
