Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
