Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
