im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
