I feel like abortions should bother me more
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
