I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
