K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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