i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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