The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
