I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
