id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
