I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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