Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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