Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
