i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
