What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you had me at cake vodka
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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