I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
