I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
