For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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