so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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