I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
