I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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