So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize