You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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