we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
vagina is talking i cant
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
