Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
