We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
