the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
