I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
