All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
