i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
