I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
