is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
