i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
