God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
