So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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