he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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