we have pet lesbian snakes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
