just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
