Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
