AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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