Tell her she can't have a vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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