walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
