So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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