Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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