Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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