i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
