i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
