Jerry, you need to find god
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
