I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
