On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you would pick up someone in the library
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Randomize
