There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
