Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
