shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
