I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
