Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
