I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
