so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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