WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
