Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
