it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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