I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
