i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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