I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
time to smoke my breakfast
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
