Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
