Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
