One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
