there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
