I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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