you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
