i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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