thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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