i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
