You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize