that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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